OH! what a tangled web we weave...

Friday

Though the weather was miserable, Toni and I hopped a freight train to the city for the Bard Holiday Party and Young Alumni/ae After Party. We stayed at the holiday party for about 10 minutes, mostly because we were late and there was no food (this being our only reason for showing up, of course). I saw a number of people I would have really liked to talk to, as well as Prof. Sourian, who accosted me as usual and eventually professed his love for me. We left to go to the after party and found that the bar it was being held in had no seating and a sadistic DJ. You should be able to hear each other shouting over the 80s music at a function meant to reunite old college buddies. So we left that too. By this time, T and I were separated, and I was with the boys. Eventually we gave up trying to have fun, went and ate at some trendy Chinese place in Gramercy Park, and ended up having fun anyway watching Saved with Anna in Astoria. Got home with D at about 2 AM, after an invigorating 20 minute wait for the train at Ditmars.

Saturday

Spent the whole day doing sing-a-longs, after R came home from his work and D lost interest in his Gorillaz DVD. Well, um, actually, it was me who lost interest in his Gorillaz DVD, but that is NOT to say I don't like Gorillaz. IT'S NOT, D. The day was very mellow, but we were all tired anyway.
Spent the evening at A's, watching Spiderman 2 ("Go get him, tiger!") and playing half a game of Trivial Pursuit, before going back to Steinway St. and having the following, the best, exchange of the night (paraphrased and partially made up, since I don't remember it all). Roleplaying to us involves no dice and no kinkiness. Just creepiness.

***

[Lights up on a Burger King, with a sign saying, "SpongeBob Live in Person! Saturday 1-3 PM."
R. points to sign.]

R: I saw SpongeBob. Did you see SpongeBob?
Me: No, honey, I didn't see SpongeBob.
D: Was it fun seeing SpongeBob?
R: Haha! I saw SpongeBob, and you didn't.
Me: Now, you do know that that wasn't really SpongeBob, don't you, honey?
R: What?
D: (whispering angrily) What are you doing? Just let him have his illusion!
Me: (whispering back) He needs to know. He's 24 years old.
D: (whispering) And at a 5th-grade level!
Me: (To R.) Honey, that's a man in a suit.
R: No. No!
Me: Yes, it is. He's a man who puts on a SpongeBob suit and pretends to be SpongeBob for all the kids.
D: (whispering) Stop it! What kind of a mother are you?
R: No! It was SpongeBob!
Me: (whispering to D.) It's about time he faces the realities of the world.
D: (whispering) He's on a 5th grade level! He doesn't have to!
Me: (whispering) Most 5th graders realize SpongeBob is not real.
R: No! No, I don't believe you!

[D. pushes me away from R. and puts his arm around him.]

D: It's all right. Don't you listen to Mommy. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
R: It was SpongeBob! He talked to me.
Me: (frantic) Did he touch you?
D: What? No... wait, did he?
R: He--um--there was an Econoline van.
D: Did you go in the van?
R: Um, yeah.
D: Were there any other kids in there?
R: There were two other kids.
D: Were they alive?
R: Yeah, um, they were bleeding.
Me: Oh, honey, you don't have to be alive to bleed.
R: They were twitching.
Me: Honey, you don't have to be alive to twitch.

***

And I think at that point we just broke down and couldn't continue. Too much laughter. We're going to hell.

My recount just doesn't do that exchange justice. D suggested we start an awfully creepy and disturbing sketch comedy team. I'm all for it. It'll go to the top of the list of our possible ventures, right next to our restaurant chain, Awful Waffles, with the all-waffles menu, waffle-themed go cart track, and waffle-themed drive-in movie theater. Waffles in the Mist. Desperately Seeking Waffle. I Am A Waffle from a Chain Gang. And, my favorite, Waffle.

Sunday

Came home. Very uneventful. I officially started living in my apartment, however. Even parked my car in the garage. Odd, this. I hope that I have the strength of character to buckle down and do some major unpacking tonight. I'm tired of stepping over boxes.

I'll probably just end up playing computer games though. Such is the way of life.