I'm sorry, I don't speak English

Funny thing happened the other day, when I was walking back home on Queens Blvd. after a fruitless search for the UPS Store. I was about to pass a dry cleaners. An elderly Asian man stood outside it. I became aware that he was trying to flag me down. "Excuse me! Excuse me!" he said. "I have lady here no speak English!" I looked at him as if to say, "Aaaaand?" He just repeated what he said. I still just sort of shook my head and started to walk away. "No," he said. "She no speak English. You translate? She, you know, Jewish!" I could see an elderly lady inside the dry cleaners, leaning on a cane. She had a scarf wrapped around her head and a plastic bag in her hands. This time I understood. I shook my head at the Asian man and said, "Oh no. I don't speak--" and left it that. He nodded and said, "Oh OK," and I went on my way. I have no idea if he expected me to know Russian, Hebrew, Yiddish, God knows what. I don't think he knew either. I just think it's funny that he flagged me down, when the street was full of people. You could say I feel honored he took me for Jewish or Russian or whatever -- at least he didn't think I was just some monolingual white girl. Which... you know... I kind of am. If the lady spoke Russian, I probably could have said a couple things to her. Like "God bless Mommy and Daddy" and "I'm a Russian girl" (lie) and "I learn Russian" (also a lie), which are just about the only phrases I remember from my one semester of Russian in college. Even then, I wouldn't be able to understand what she was saying back to me, and I would just start counting really loudly (but I only remember up to five). Incidentally, on the way home I suddenly remembered a song that we were taught in my Italian classes in college: Vengo anch'io! (No, tu no.) Vengo anch'io! (No, tu no.) Vengo anch'io! (No, tu no.) Ma perche? (Perche no!) Somewhat loosely translated: I want to come too! (No, you can't.) I want to come too! (No, you can't.) I want to come too! (No, you can't.) But why not? (Because you can't.) It was a weird song in Italian class. It was weirder still when I remembered it the other day. --------