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Uh oh. Look who it is!   4:26 PM Spring is such a tease.  If I had my way, every busniess in the world would be open 24 hours. I don't care if the damn employees are monkeys. I want to be able to have my car worked on at 3 in the morning. I want it washed at 3:30. I want to go to the dentist at midnight and pick up some hoagies on the way back. The barber should be ready to cut my hair at 5 a.m. and when my internet goes out at 1 a.m., I want those monkeys fixing it right then! Forget this 9 to 5 crap; I want pizza delivered to my door for breakfast. What's the deal with this whole 'Oh, no sunlight...better close down this shit.' Fuck that. That's why we have electricity and light bulbs. Life is just one really extended moment. If that sun never went down, things would be different. Well we don't have that, so we're screwed, apparently. I'm not having it. You don't need to pay the monkeys. Just give them a couple bananas and they'll be fine. MONKEYS, DAMN IT. MONKEYS! Umm, yeah, I don't know. Went to the dentist. That sucked. - I like doritos a lot. But I havn't had any in a long time. I suppose I do like cool ranch the most. But I still respect the red bag and appreciate it when its there in times of need. - I'm a fan of Howard Stern and I won't stand for this bs. - -Hey mama, this that shit that make you move, mama . Get on the floor and move your booty mama . We the blast masters blastin' up the jamma- - Ralph Ellison. Eh. - Before I knew it Tuesday, I had written a news story about the death of a 13-year-old killed on his motorized scooter. It really wasn't until much later -- after I had stressed and worried about the interviews I had to do to get all the right quotes and information, and after I had finished the story and thought about how mad I was at my editor for making me cover the story, since technically it wasn't my 'beat,' as they say, and technically I'm not a staff writer for his newspaper -- and not until the next day, when I saw it as a front page story about a the death of a 13-year-old, did I grasp that someone had died to make all this happen ... and also that many others would learn of the horrible news by reading, and trusting the words that told them. That was weird. - I'm still pissed to this day that I never saw the complete final episode of Alf. - And almost as pissed that HBO doesn't show that little thing where the HBO letters fly into outer space anymore. - Today's post is brought to by the letter Q and by our good friends at the delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol factory. Among the random things I did today was change the license plate of my car from this: 
to this: 
The LTD is in reference to the fact that my car is this: 
Not to be mistaken for either of these: 
The Ford LTD, which was once advertised as being "as quiet as a Rolls-Royce." Manufactured since 1967, the LTD became a popular vehicle for use in police enforcement, and in 1983 became known as the LTD Crown Victoria. In 1992, LTD was dropped from the name, and continued on as simply Crown Victoria, which today you may recognize as this:  The Gym. Day Two. For my own health and well-being, I will not and cannot recreate the conversation. But some huge, old man totally tried to pick me up as I was leaving the gym. I need to bathe myself 50 times tonight. 6:28 PM Because I don't have anything particulary interesting to say, I will give you an entry from another blog I came across randonly today: Friday, February 20, 2004 We are getting a new computer! yay!!!!!!! I"m gonna be SO happy....Lots of ppl i have been talking to about wat brand....Dell, Gateway....People say they are good ppl say they suck....I dont know what to say bc i have never had one of those types of computers lol My mom is gonna pay 200 for it, and i pay the rest so i hope i wont have to pay more than 600 lol Its gonna be nice, a fast working computer, with a printer, and speakers! oh nice and maybe just maybe we can get a cd burner.....anywho my dad is gonna go with me....YAY time with my daddy! I ate brownies they were good and SO WORTH IT but.... i'm gonna go to the gym to work it off! hahah yeah - posted by Angela @ 3:11 PM I'd like to think this is written by a 7 year old, but you never can be sure anymore, my friends. For more tidbits such as this, click me. News. 8:00 PM Ah, the first day at the gym. Went in, ran the treadmill a while. A handy chart printed on the machine said my heart rate should be somewhere around 100. Hmmm, I thought, as I checked my own by touching the metal pad. 205. I wonder if thats like twice as good or something. After that nice little warmup, I went downstairs and sat at my first weight machine, at which time a trainer walking by stopped to say hello. Trainer: How's it going, you feelin the Pump today? Me: I'm sorry? Trainer: You feeling the Pump? (I capitalize pump because, I imagine, if this buff, bald headed man were to write it down on paper, he would also capitalize it.) Me: Definitely. (Meanwhile I am wearing a t-shirt for 'Broadway Pizza.') Trainer: You get your measurements yet? Me: Ummm... Trainer: You know about all that, right? Me: Ummm... Trainer: How you doing? I'm Dave. Anytime you want you can come up front and get all your measurements and we'll be happy to help. Me: Ummm... That about sums up my day at the gym. Yes, what about music indeed. Music and I still must settle some outstanding issues in order to resolve our little falling out. What are these issues exactly? They are ... not easily explained, or understood by even me. But we're working on it, music and I. What's everybody listening to right now? (If it's not new - from the last year or so - then don't bother answering that question.) Damn, I just ate some hot-ass salsa. It was good nonetheless, but HOT. Thought you'd like to know. Other things you'd like to know: There was some sort of sewage problem at work today. I'm waiting for the new Real World episode to start. There's nothing good to eat around here. I would normally change the 'In my DVD player' box every day, since usually I put on a different one every night, but the last two sets of DVDs have been taking me a while. Got a membership to the gym last week. I have nothing else to say at this moment. Because I am just so cool. 
(That's Apollo 13 on the screen, for those who don't care.) Despite having my path crossed by two black cats at the same time yesterday within one block of my home as I was leaving for my trip to Boston, I must say, I was not without luck for the duration of my record 5 hour drive. And since there were moments during the trip in which I was simultaneously watching a DVD, eating a Wawa hoagie, and talking on the cell phone, frankly, I'm quite surprised I'm still alive, Friday the 13th or no Friday the 13th. And this morning, as I woke up 36 minutes past the time that my parking meter turned on, I was pleasantly surprised to find -- after throwing a coat over my pajamas (a t-shirt and mesh shorts, for the curious) and nearly falling down a flight of stairs to rush out to my car -- the meter maid was writing up a ticket for the car behind mine. "Have you started writing for this one yet?" I asked her, and she gave a mean meter maid shake of the head, no. Well, then! I thought, and popped in 10 quarters (2 and a half hours worth), and strutted back to my girlfriend's apartment with enough shake in my fanny to put that meter maid in her place. Ah, what a beautiful morning. MORE ADVENTURES OF MICHAEL AT WORK!  Random things you need to know about me before you live another minute longer: 1) I know everything there is to know about the best sitcom in television history, Full House. 2) I was a semi-finalist at the 1990 Nintendo World Championships. (I still have a t-shirt to prove it.) 3) In the past I: have thrown a dinner plate at my sister's face; have thrown an encyclopedia at my sister's face; have pushed my sister out a window (causing her to land on a cinder block and need stitches in her knee); and, apparently, have threatened my oldest sister that I would kill her when she went to sleep. 4) I tend to believe I have an extraordinarily strong ability to be empathetic, yet almost never sympathetic. (I tend to believe that the latter does not necessarily come with the former.) 5) My highest bowling score was a 218. (Out of 300, you incompetent bowling fools!) 6) I first smoked weed when I was 14; I first drank beer when I was 15; I have never smoked a full cigarette. 7) I believe in ghosts, though I have never seen one, nor do I aspire to. 8) When I was in second grade I wrote a series of short stories called Michael Motorcycle, chronicling the life of 'Michael,' a character who would strike lightning upon the heads of those who said "Michael Michael Motorcycle," even in jest. 8a) I apparently had a very violent mind when I was a child. 9) I despise drama queens. 10) I cannot stand to watch a movie in which a character is wrongly accused, thought to be lying, or simply distrusted by another while the audience knows otherwise. Such a movie will one day be my death. 11) I don't want this list to end arbitrarily at 10, so I must add a shallow 11th for the purposes of being ... unarbitrary. Sometimes I forget how much I hated school. The other day I remembered. During the winters when I was in elementary school, I hoped for snow so bad that I seriously contemplated taking a garden hose to the bus stop in the middle of the night to spray the street with water so it would be icy by morning. It's not that I wanted anyone to get hurt. I just didn't want to go to school. And somewhere in my brain there was a little man telling me to take the hose to the bus stop and everything would be alright. The bus would not be able to pass and therefore, well, school would be cancelled. I wish I could say that little man was also a leprechaun, but he wasn't. In fact, it wasn't even a little man. I'm just making that part up for the purposes of making this story somewhat more colorful. But damn, a leprechaun would have been cool. Oh, and speaking of the car show. The strangest thing happened!  Yeah, yeah, very dumb. But ever since I downloaded photoshop a week ago, I just can't get enough. Thank you, Kazaa! Went to the Philadelphia Auto Show today. Saw some cars. Ate some food. Took this photo in the train station:  On the nature of dust ... I declare utter abolishment. Dust, I have realized painfully for the past 20 years, is an emeny that will simply never retreat. Dust will never go away. It covers everything, including the parts of this keyboard that I am not touching now, nor have touched in the past, say, two days. Wipe it off, blow on it, it may appear gone, but it will be back, and it will be back soon. This dust will continue to stalk me when I am one day too old and feeble to make much movement at all (although let's hope to GOD that I will be long dead before that ever happens) and it will follow me into my casket and one day make everything that constitutes ME, in every possible sense, a version of itself. Abolish this dust, I say! Abolish! Doing the best I can here, folks. |
Late night snacks. Bite-sized ramblings. Old-fashioned eats, served fresh daily. Open 24-7.  Other blogs Fireballs and Tsunami JeffreyDavis.net Mismatched Parentheses NimbleSixpence One Tortured Soul Palpably Inadequate Picnic, Lightning Pony Legs, Temporarily Supernouveau Wander Lust In my DVD player Archives June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 Other stuff Homestarrunner One Slime DeepDiscountDVD Olde English Sketch Comedy Live Music Archive Copy Army Copywriting Service Love & Radio This One Time Email me mmjunior / at / hotmail   
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