|
On Thanksgiving Relaxed. Uneventful. Tiring as always. I have tons of great memories from past Thanksgivings, but there is one that stands out more than others, and I have no idea why. I was 14. I fell asleep immediately after dinner and woke around 1 a.m., slightly confused, disoriented, wondering where everyone had gone. I turned on the TV, and The Empire Strikes Back was playing on cable. I made myself a full plate of leftovers, watched the rest of the movie and then fell back asleep for the rest of the night. There was something immensely comfortable about the whole experience. On Strange Conversations with Auto Repair Guys Sunday afternoon. I needed a new car battery. The guy checked his books for the right kind. I filled out some papers. He took my keys, walked to the garage, came back and then made small talk for the next 15-20 minutes. Told me about cars he has owned. Complained of the boredom in driving automatics. He suggested I lift a huge truck tire on display to see how heavy it was. Eventually, to fill one of the many long awkward pauses in conversation, I asked if I could pay for the battery then, rather than wait until after it was installed. "Oh, sure," he said. "Let me just go make sure we have it in stock." Whaaa? On Caffeine It's highly addictive. Stay away from it. On the Celebration of Holidays I have turned into a total cheeseball. I'm playing Christmas music at work. I've bought a tree for my apartment. I'm thinking about throwing a small party with eggnog, cookies, and Santa hats. Somebody please beat the sappiness out of me. No, really. Use sharp instruments.  For those of you with 58 minutes of free time, a fast internet connection, and a penchant for great stories about online dating, I urge you to download the latest episode of Love & Radio, "Love in Bits." --- Tomorrow I will send a care package to a 20-year-old serving in Iraq. I have never met this person; in fact, I don't even know his name. Items I am sending: Two cans of Silly String, a Whoopee Cushion, and some beef jerky. --- And apparently that's about all I have to say right now.  I woke up Friday morning to the sound of my cell phone alerting me of a new text message. It was a coworker letting me know I had just won a raffle for a free night's stay at the hotel where we have our company Christmas party next month. Now, considering I was not even at work that day--I was rolling out of bed at a Motel6 in Buffalo--I was a bit surprised by this. "I did?!?" I texted back. "Yes! You win everything! You suck!" she replied. And she has a point. Considering the $10 iTunes gift certificate I won for my Halloween costume, and an iPod Shuffle I won a few weeks earlier, and about 8 hours of comp time I've won over the past month, I'd say yes, I do seem to be winning everything. That Friday night, I won $106 at a casino in Niagara Falls (after losing $100, of course), and then bought a MegaMillions lottery ticket for tonight's drawing worth $315 million. If I could just win one ... more ... time ... (pics) Look, ma! I have friends! A couple months ago I went on a date with a girl I had met online. This served as two firsts for me: online dating and, well, real dating (with someone I hadn't known already.) That said, I really had no idea what I was doing. It was a Thursday night and we went to a fairly nice Italian restaurant in Lancaster. To keep the conversation going, I couldn't help but talk about Hurricane Katrina, since it was in the news at the time. Then, I brought up September 11. Then the Heaven's Gate mass suicide. Then Waco, Texas. Then the Challenger explosion. Before long I had talked about every single disaster I could think of (except last year's tsunami, we later realized) and I discussed each of them at great length until there was barely anything left to say. And, sadly, it wasn't until after the date had ended that I realized how much of an idiot I had been, and that this girl probably went home, locked her doors, and took a 5-hour long shower to cleanse herself of the entire experience. Considering all this and other embarrassing things (by our second date, I still hadn't even asked her what her last name was), I was a bit surprised that when I later suggested to her that we be friends, she actually liked the idea. (Of course, little did she know that my talk of disasters would quickly change to long, pathetic rambling about strange long-distance crushes and other uninteresting details of my life.) Melanie is now one of my best friends. In fact, she is the only friend I have here, outside the people I work with. Also, DISASTERS have become the ongoing joke between us. In a couple weeks, we are going to throw a night full of apocalypse! The plan is to watch cheesy movies about the end of the world (i.e. Armageddon and Deep Impact) while drinking their alcoholic counterparts: The End of the World; Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse; Armageddon ... you get the idea. We may even make a few of our own concoctions ... like Bird Flu Pandemic! Oooo, or Weapons of Mass Destruction! After all, this is what friends are for! Drinking. Watching TV. Discussing the demise of our species. It's great! It's back!  Other news coming soon.  There seems to be a moment during every loud, lively party I attend when I need to just slip away for a little bit, escape the noise and chaos, and enjoy some quick alone-time with the hope that no one realizes I'm gone. I'd say it's a bit like diving underwater when you're in a crowded swimming pool, except it's more like coming up for air after you've been under too long. Really, it's a moment of refreshing clarity, even if it lasts only a minute. Now, I had plenty of opportunities to enjoy some solitude throughout this kind of party this weekend. After all, when a beer was spilled in my lap, I didn't want anyone to know I had gone into my boss's bathroom to blow dry my pant leg. And when it was time to make humiliating phone calls that I would regret in the morning, it was really best that I do it where no one could hear me. But it wasn't until much later when I snuck out on to the back porch and just kind of sat there with my friend Introspection for a while that I truly experienced that escape. It's always quiet and cozy when it happens, but somehow it allows me to go back into the party with even more energy and less reservation. Later, as I was hugging goodbye a girl I had met only hours earlier, she said to me, somewhat intoxicated, "You're like the warmest person ever." It was just a random observation about the heat radiating from my sweater, but I was quite happy with the comment and I waited a few extra seconds before letting go. Confidence, I am realizing, comes in waves for me. Huge, gushing waves that pull the tide way back only to come crashing in moments later. --- Okay, enough with the cheesy water analogies, jeez. What the hell is this? On an unrelated note, this is an email I received at 4:49 a.m. Saturday morning: as tired as I am and 6 hours into my nights sleep I had to e-mail you. I woke up cracking up out loud after the oddest dream. I had this dream you became a Dragon Berry. A dragon berry is a person who steals little girls pink bicycles and turns them into American Chopper looking bikes. It was quite funny. That's a keeper. |
Late night snacks. Bite-sized ramblings. Old-fashioned eats, served fresh daily. Open 24-7.  Other blogs Fireballs and Tsunami JeffreyDavis.net Mismatched Parentheses NimbleSixpence One Tortured Soul Palpably Inadequate Picnic, Lightning Pony Legs, Temporarily Supernouveau Wander Lust In my DVD player Archives June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 Other stuff Homestarrunner One Slime DeepDiscountDVD Olde English Sketch Comedy Live Music Archive Copy Army Copywriting Service Love & Radio This One Time Email me mmjunior / at / hotmail   
|