|
Who wants to be a millionaire? I could watch the last 10 seconds of this over and over again.  I suppose a quick update is in order. It's really fucking cold. But I've been trying this month to go as long as possible without turning my heat on. It's a challenge for myself, really. I was surprised to see that my electric bill was so low at the end of last month, so now I'm determined to beat that amount and go even lower. In fact, I'm trying to set a new all-time low for the apartment. (Current record: $29.74 / May 2006.) Problem is, I actually caved and used my heat last night. But I think I may be able to go without it again tonight. Sara says I will one day follow her around our house, turning off lights and closing the refrigerator door on her. Nah. But it's likely that, by then, I'll have come up with some other challenge for myself that will be far more annoying to her. I can beat Super Mario Bros. in 5 minutes. Well, that's the claim I was making to my girlfriend last weekend before failing to beat the game after a ridiculous number of attempts. The turtles with the hammers always get me. I have no patience for their antics. 6 new DVDs and lots of cheeseburgers. I have never been quite able to explain my fascination with DVDs, and therefore I cannot possibly describe to you how happy I am to have 6 unopened cheap DVDs sitting on my desk right now. I'm hoping to get through at least one of them when Sara returns next Friday. I think we might just need to watch Good Burger while eating some Double Quarter Pounders from MickyD's. I smell a burger party! Woop woop! Tuesday Night Randomness Have I mentioned that I love Ramen noodles? It's all about the oriental flavor. This shit's great. Anyway, that DeepDiscount BOGO sale is now over, in case any of you stragglers are just now clicking on the link. However, there is a new BOGO sale on the site ... that is, if you're interested things like Ellen and Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman. (Although there are a few gems in there. If I were taking advantage of this sale, I would get Mr Bean: The Whole Bean and Monty Python's Personal Best. Nice.) BO Bad Movie GO Bad Movie Yesterday I suffered from what was undoubtedly one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. And I have no idea how it happened, really. I remember lots of Tequila shots, cheap beer, and a lot of SNES Mario Kart. When I finally recovered around 5 p.m. or so, I decided it was only right that I treat myself to a crapload of bad (read: awesome!) DVDs. Thank you, DeepDiscount, for the Buy One Get One sale.  I sympathize with you, Shari Lewis Substitute the word "cold" for "song" and this is pretty much how I feel right now ... Question of the day How did people waste time at work before the Internet existed? Blood on the dance floor Allow me to not-so-briefly explain why I was prepared to shovel my fist into the face of a man at wedding I attended a week ago. I've waited some time to tell this story so that I could rethink the whole thing and figure out why, exactly, I was so angry at man who merely accused me of taking a chair from another table without asking. Sounds harmless, I know. But, at the time, I was ready to fight this man to the death. It occurred like this ... Loud music. Lots of people dancing. Post-dinner, post-everything else that happens at a typical wedding ceremony, aside from maybe the cutting of the cake. People are mingling, walking about, sitting at other tables. A few chairs are taken from the table where I am sitting with my hot date, Sara. Another girl, previously sitting out our table, returns to find her chair missing, so I offer up mine and go get a drink. When I come back, I am without a chair. Sara and I share a seat for a while until more people return and realize they too are without seats. They grab some from another table, so I decide it is time to do the same--from a table behind us that is 80% empty. At least 30 minutes later, I am sitting with Sara, each in our own chairs, when a man comes over, puts his hand on the back of my seat and says, "Can we have our chair back now? The person who was sitting there came back." I have no idea who this guy is. I have not seen him before. I did not even know anyone had seen me take the chair in the first place. The guy pulls back my back chair, smiles, and adds, "You never asked for it anyway." --------------------- Now, let's stop here for a minute. I would like to now factor in several conditions that applied to the situation up to this point, because when he muttered that last line to me--which was the icing on the cake, really, considering the way he approached me--it was as if he had just punched me in the face. Or, a more accurate analogy: it was if he had just rubbed the hair on my head, slapped my cheek a couple times and patted me on the back. "Nice one, sparky. I'll forgive you this time." Of course, he did and said none of that. But that what it felt like at the time. Anyway, here are the conditions that may or may not have applied: 1) I was sick. 2) I had had a couple beers. 3) The music was loud. 4) It had been a long day already--we had driven two and half hours to get to there, and I had driven four hours to Sara's place the night before. Point being, I may have been a bit more susceptible to grumpiness at the time. Let's return to the story. --------------------- I mock the guy's smile, and return the usual are-you-really-ready-for-a-confrontation, "Excuse me?" To which he repeats, "You never asked for it anyway." At this point really nothing has happened (and never will, by the way, if you're gearing up for a climactic ending to this story), but I am fuming. The man is already walking away with my chair in his heads. But still staring at me with that big smirk on his face. I approach the guy, slap him on the back ala high school football coach, give the biggest mocking smile I can possibly make and say, "Hey, thanks a lot, buddy!" I wait for him to say something that will result in all-out brawl, but he keeps walking. Keeps smiling. I go to another empty table, take another chair, and come back to sit. As I am sitting, the guy is returning to his own seat, walking directly behind me. (Which, now that I think about it, was definitely not the quickest route for him to return to his seat.) And, since I just happen to be sitting down at the exact moment that the guy is walking behind me, I consider it a good idea to act like a child and push backwards in my chair, knocking into him--now fully expecting retaliation and subsequent throwing of punches. You could say I was hoping for it. I was ready to go. But nothing happens. He smiles again, keeps walking. For the rest of the night I try to relax in hopes that my blood pressure will return to normal. Even when I go to the bathroom, I half-expect a sudden blow to my head. Nope. Nothing. --------------------- I should note that I never want to be the type of person that gets into a fight at someone's wedding. But no one goes into these things thinking "I'm going to fight someone tonight" or "Gee, I hope I don't have to KILL anyone this evening." It just happens. And when it does, you don't weigh any consequences. You just act. That said, hindsight is definitely 20/20. If I could, I would go back and handle the situation much differently. I would have found a much more intelligent way to insult that guy and make him feel like the fool he was, without actually hoping to destroy him. He really was an ass, believe me. And the pizza guy was a dick too. It's days like today when I ask myself, why am I trying to work my way up in the corporate world? Why would I ever want to do such a ridiculous and disgusting thing? And then I drive home in my '98 Ford Escort with no dash lights, cigarette burns in the roof and seats, a metal rattling in the trunk, and I open my empty refrigerator, eat a flattened piece of leftover pizza, and stare at my bare walls, thinking about a year-old plan to go mountain biking in India, or rock-climbing in the Midwest, or anything that involves traveling more 10 miles away from Pennsylvania, which cannot and will not possibly happen anytime in the near or distant future. Oh. I guess that's why. Important Questions "So, are you ever going to post to your blog again?" I ask myself the same thing, people. |
Late night snacks. Bite-sized ramblings. Old-fashioned eats, served fresh daily. Open 24-7.  Other blogs Fireballs and Tsunami JeffreyDavis.net Mismatched Parentheses NimbleSixpence One Tortured Soul Palpably Inadequate Picnic, Lightning Pony Legs, Temporarily Supernouveau Wander Lust In my DVD player Archives June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 Other stuff Homestarrunner One Slime DeepDiscountDVD Olde English Sketch Comedy Live Music Archive Copy Army Copywriting Service Love & Radio This One Time Email me mmjunior / at / hotmail   
|