FOR SALE Hi, I'm Mike's old guitar amplifier. After 12 years together, I'm sad I have to leave the fella, but to be honest, I'm in desparate need of a home where I can really be used to my full potential. Somewhere I can really rock out, you know? You interested? Bid on me now!  Useless Question of the Day If you didn't know what year you were born and you were never placed in groups of people with similar ages (i.e. school), how old would you think you were? Yes, it really happened. 2 girls. 17ish. Grocery store checkout. Cashier: ... But if I ever married him, I'd have to, like, become part of the Catholic church or something because he's Catholic. Bagger: Oh, that's a long wedding. Cashier: What? Why? Bagger: It's like an hour and a half. You have to have mass. Cashier: I have to wear a mask?!? Bagger: No, you have to have MASS. Cashier: Oh, I thought you said mask. Haha. Bagger: Oh, haha. Cashier: Haha. Bagger: Haha. Cashier: What's mass? Bagger: Mass. Are you serious? It's mass. Like regular church services. Cashier: Oh God. Bagger: Ha, you've never heard of mass? Cashier: I don't know. This is why you need to teach me these things. Bagger: Well don't look at me. I'm not Catholic; I just go to Catholic school. Cashier: ... Bagger: ... Cashier: ... Oh. That's weird. Lancaster Catholic? Bagger: ... Yeah, but like we're not all Catholic. Like some people are Jewish. Cashier: Oh. Well why don't they just call it Lancaster Religion? Without energy. Let's see how long I can go without buying groceries. Seriously, it's about time I finish up some of this pasta I bought in Savannah. Trouble-shoot this, azzzzholes. "The Internet isn't working" has become a motto of mine lately. Not because I can't connect, but because I've been having incredibly bad luck with nearly every online company that I've used over the past month or so. Since mid-December, I have sent about a dozen emails to customer support departments of six different online retailers and other companies. Six! Orders aren't going through. Packages aren't being delivered. Refunds aren't being refunded. Seriously, the shit's broken. Yep. That's it. Mysterious odors in NYC. Dead birds in Austin. Ivy League naked parties. The world is coming to an end. [Watching Princess Ta-She descending toward the earth.] Snarf: Who is that? Lion-O: I don't know. But she's ... sooo beautiful. Snarf: Lion-O?? Lion-O: Ahem ... In a kind of evil way, of course. Returns & Exchanges The customer service woman at K-Mart asked me three times if I was sure there was nothing wrong with the Playstation 3 that I was returning. And each time I told her, "No, it was never opened." I was telling the truth. After nearly two weeks with the thing and three unsuccessful eBay auctions, I had somehow resisted the temptation to open it up and keep it for myself. Instead, it collected dust while I received emails from Nigerians asking me to ship to Denmark. Internet and I haven't been getting along very well lately. Beer for thought My barber tells me he enjoys a few cold ones after work. I wouldn't disagree with the man. Then again, his job involves rubbing his hands through people's dirty hair all day, repeating the same conversations over and over again. All I do is stare at monitor and think of things. |
Late night snacks. Bite-sized ramblings. Old-fashioned eats, served fresh daily. Open 24-7.  Other blogs Fireballs and Tsunami JeffreyDavis.net Mismatched Parentheses NimbleSixpence One Tortured Soul Palpably Inadequate Picnic, Lightning Pony Legs, Temporarily Supernouveau Wander Lust In my DVD player Archives June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 Other stuff Homestarrunner One Slime DeepDiscountDVD Olde English Sketch Comedy Live Music Archive Copy Army Copywriting Service Love & Radio This One Time Email me mmjunior / at / hotmail   
|